( I belong to another site, for writing, stretching our creative fingers and brains. They have contests etc. I wrote #1 – a haiku that lost, and #2 – this below. The required prompt was PassWord Reset, taken in any kind of context. I went pretty much with an autobiographical tale . Also another looser. Sigh. Enjoy and comment . )

Please Reset Your Password for Security Reasons……. story of my life. No matter how old you get, or at my age ( shut-your-mouth!!) , we need to realize that resetting passwords for devices is no different that resetting ourselves for life. I literally have more than thirty accounts, from FB to bank accounts, You Tube to blogs and at some point you will run into a problem and have to reset a p.w. Such is life. I have been struggling with a lot of demons for about thirty years. PTSD from not only abusive people in my life but an injury that occurred during a job back then. Even some of what I had to do within the job caused the beginnings of PTSD.

I kick myself to this day for not staying with the friends and a relationship I was in back then, and came home to deal with a relative crossing into dementia — a person who I knew my whole life, just wasnt “right in the head”. My mother . We grew up with dad often saying, “She ain’t right in the head.” There was no term back in the day for bipolar, etc.

I ended up loosing myself in dealing with that situation with no other family in the area to lend a hand. Even at the point when she was finally declared incompetant and put into a nursing home, it took me too many years to finally realize I had time for myself and my dogs. I had show dogs. Even a few years later before I accepted the fact I could do what I wanted in the house, getting rid of old furnture, etc. Except for when I was living with my significant other back with the job, I moved in with him and he had a very nice job, same as me, but with all his family in the area most lived close to each other. He was able to buy a house across from his parents and I was able to help pick out furnishings we both liked . It was just different being in a loving relationship, even with the stress of both of our jobs. His clan close that we could easily visit for dinners and backyard relaxing. We were going to get married at some point.

When I got word about my mother and took some time off to come back and deal with her, I lost myself in past demons of growing up with someone whose mental state was totally off the rails. But I was the bad one. There is a book there somewhere!

She passed away just over three years ago after twelve years in the nursing home. Then I dealt with the nonstop guilt of not going to visit but once or twice a month. I also dealt with enormous guilt of not going back to the one I thought I would spend my life with.

I still deal with dark thoughts when stress happens. Always thinking at that time, I will not make it through the end of this year.

I AM a writer. Something I’ve been passionate about since childhood, but those degrading comments about “any idiot can write a book or movie” left a wound that reached to my soul.

I have never made New Years resolutions, but this year I finally threw down the gauntlet and made it known — I am resetting my entire password of life, my dreams and soul. Because the other option is not pretty. I let it be known just last week, GET OUT OF MY WAY ! I have an unfinished book that was started two years ago and people kept intentionally interrupting me. There’s a smaller Kindle book to start, and a blog to get back to and possible YT channel.

RESET YOUR PASSWORD on every level and take back control of your life, whether in technology or your dreams. I still fight daily.

Published by Honey Badger on a Bridge

former fbi, writer, breed show dogs, I have a very busy life of go go go. Yet also have many days of spinning in circles and getting nothing done. I call those my down days of relaxing. I travel a lot in motorhome on business and with dogs.

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