Mass Confusion

or Welcome To My Life !

January 15, 2023 ( Feb. 9 !!) ~~ Let’s begin , again! My name is Alex . I am XX this many years old ! lol Guess it depends on how the body or head is feeling day to day. I come from a family of military . Most now done their time serving. My son and his father, ex-Marines. Both in gov’t services. His father, retired this past year but still works as consultant to keep busy. The hardest part of trying to write an intro, of my past, is how much to say ~~ ” what ” I can say. Many details are expected to be kept quiet. The nature of the job.

I will get into my background a little more later, but must say, that due to a long-standing N.D.A., I am always aware of what I say in relation to that job. The N.D.A. was originally for about 20 yrs . Then when word got around that I was “back to writing” , a polite ‘request’ was made to fly back and sign for a few more years. Seriously? Well, yes, seriously. When dealing with certain organizations, any former employees that worked in specific areas are a threat. And they ARE monitored pretty much for the rest of their lives.

A few years ago when I was getting back to writing a novel, my son who works in a gov’t alphabet group, had no trouble coming on to my laptop to video with me on a platform with an anonymous name I had. Could even see me on my open camera, which I used to always have covered but with the purchase of a new one just never got around to doing that. I certainly don’t want anyone to be peeking at me if I’m working or watching tv or got my finger up my nose with no make up on!

When I got back to blogging here, Jan. 15 , yeah I got about 2 paragraphs done, had to walk away ……. for over a week, then with all the distractions I have to deal with in my house…… it has suddenly become Feb. 9 . I have in the past month written a few things for a site with contests etc …… nope, didn’t make a penny or even get a honorable mention . LOL I will at times share those here . Plus just about a week ago, never mind having bad knees from jobs and accidents over the years, the meniscus in my left knee just decided to blow! But still I hobbled on one crutch to get things done and take care of my dogs. Healing is nowhere close yet, but without my dogs I would be laying in a puddle of drool on pain meds .

So while I had lost my train of thought and flow of ideas for THIS blog, yep even over the past two days, I am struggling to even get a short blog finished . ALL of this heartbreak of not being able to even sit and write iscaused by constant disruptions, 95% being by morons living in my house, feels like I’m drowning . I am a very creative person . I have been since grade school after that first writing assignment that just sparked a fire . I taught myself from grade school through to twenties how to do everything from crocheting, sewing, knitting, and even doll making. From soft cute stuffed dolls to what has become known as Art Dolls. They are everything from whimsicle to bizarre to scary beings that are crafted from bits of fabric and lace and/or paint, wires, wood, etc. The quilting thing : I admire people who have patience to follow patterns to the T of precise measurements. I CAN NOT do that!! I call myself ruler-retarded. No matter how careful I measure and cut, etc, just sewing that scant 1/4″ seam one thread off line can ruin a finished pattern. I was long ago just making my own thing . Then many years later the term ART QUILTS appeared. I said, THAT’S ME !! This allows artists to follow a color, pattern, picture or imagination to creative just freaking awesome art with fabric and threads and shiny bits if wanted. About ten years ago, maybe a little longer, I decided to get back into knitting. I do not knit using the general acrylic yarns that are available at Joann’s or Michaels Craft stores. I buy from independant “makers”. Those who might raise their own sheep and/or alpacas and spin and dye their own yarn to sell, or those who buy the plain yarn and dye. This can be expensive to make even a hat or scarf ! LOL At an average price range of $22 – $34 per skein (!) , yes a sweater can sometimes cost a few $100s in yarn alone. The beauty though is the repetitive knitting , following a pattern, etc to create something for yourself or family or friends to wear. I so envy those people who can start and finish a sweater! I’ve tried, really I tried !! Many years ago after discovering You-Tube podcasts of knitting shows, oh lord, it was like crafter’s-crack!! I saw a pattern for what was called a Boxy Sweater. Just oversized, to hid the curves, ya know! Was simple enough. I went with the purchased pattern to the New England Fiber Festival to pick out my yarn . The vendor helped me and when I insisted on a thinner type of yarn called Fingering ( shut your mouth! lol ) she tried to talk me into buying a yarn a little thicker. It would be easier for a “new pattern” knitter to work with and the pattern would work up faster. But NO!! I had to have what I liked ! Ha Ha! That alone kicked my yearning to get to back to knitting. Well that boxy sweater was started, after over a week of working on it, I had to frog it. That is, rip that whole frigging thing back to the beginning and start again. Well, I did after a few days of deep breathing and a mantra of “I can do this. I got this .” Well a month later, FROG IT ONE MORE TIME !!! Yes I should’ve listened to that gentle yarn-vendor who was trying to tell me, “Honey, don’t be an idiot ! ” lol

I love making simple scarves and shawls and hats, many with scenes like mountains or trees or bears or hearts . I have made numerous projects as gifts for friends near and far, as in Alaska and Western Canada! I have a few for myself and have taken a scarf or cowl off my body to give to someone who has just loved the colors etc. My favorite knit projects are blankets or throws, smaller blankets. Even just a blanket done in simple knit stitching is not only beautiful and simple to do, but relaxing. Aside from maybe switching colors or doing a cable pattern ( not me!! ), I can knit out in public without even looking down at what I am doing. Knitting is a very relaxing hobby that can soothe your soul while sitting on a porch or comfy chair inside by the window, even with a tv on or music. One project that sits in a large canvas tote is a blanket for me ! That is made with acrylic yarn, but I am knitting with two yarns at the same time to make a heavier blanket for cold New England days. Each yarn is varigated, meaning each had multiple colors that blend with each other, so each section is completely different. At $6+ a skein, means each section is $12-13 worth of yarn, I am now in approximately $64 and not yet halfway done. It is something I just pull out a few times a months. Oh, and I also do cross-stitch ! As someone who has PTSD and bouts of anxiety, I have a hard time just allowing myself to sit still and take time to myself to relax. Nevermind it keeps my hands busy and distracts me from wanting to hurt someone …….. uh, I do have roomies in my house! That should be self-explanatory!! And again, that too will be another blog . I should say, MANY MANY MANY blogs !!!


Published by Honey Badger on a Bridge

former fbi, writer, breed show dogs, I have a very busy life of go go go. Yet also have many days of spinning in circles and getting nothing done. I call those my down days of relaxing. I travel a lot in motorhome on business and with dogs.

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